You’re a scared teenager that has no motivation left yet to live. You’re posting over social media stating how terrible your upbringing was and how your father is a piece of shit. You’re explaining how life isn’t worth living and how you no longer belong in this world anymore. You’re posting constant updates on what is bothering you in the moment. You start to involve yourself in groups on Facebook. You look past the ‘Depression Support Group’ that is in multiple quantities, claiming how ‘this is an open community where anyone affected by depression can join” and another which states ‘’there should be no negative rules, this is a negativity free zone for anyone suffering.’’
You think about your dad and realise there’s no hope. You keep scrolling and look about your possible choices, one that particularly struck you was the group called ‘’a group where you post stuff about wanting to die’’ and suddenly you take the obvious option and join, you want to know who else is suffering despite how much it feels like you’re on your own. Despite not wanting a way out company might be okay temporarily right? On the 14th April 2016 the group has 6 members, however, today on the 20th April 2016 it has risen to 1.6k likes and members with multiple people posting anecdotes of suicide attempts and quotes to display their shared pain, including yourself. You decide to get involved and leave your suicide note.
‘’To anybody reading this, you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that my time has come. As much as I want to say that I didn’t want this day to arrive I’ve been waiting for this for the past 6 years of my life, trying to find the right time for me to write this.
To my dad, who made me feel like I was not only nothing to him but a waste of existence – you are the reason for my pain. I would like to say I’m sorry for placing the blame onto you but I’d be lying. As these are my last moments I’d like you to know exactly how you made me feel. Despite consoling me at times when I thought you were being genuine, I learnt through my 17 years of life that I was some measly excuse of promotion; you used me to make your friends believe you were a considerate father. Not only did you post about me on social media, you made your friends and our family believe you actually cared for me.
But I knew different. I will no longer be around for you to punish, and I’m sorry if that leaves you alone but it’s something you deserve.
And as for everybody else, every single day of my life I’ve felt that living was exhausting, breathing was limited and trying to talk to people everyday just left me with no energy left to pretend that I was okay. 17 years have taught me that if you’re no longer happy and you have no one to no longer convince, you should do what you believe is best.
And for me, this is just that. Thank you to everyone that pretended to care, time for you to attempt again. Goodbye. Erin.’’
Little do people know that you, Erin McDermott, have no intention of doing such a thing. I scrolled and read through your ‘suicide note’ multiple times. I may not know you personally but I know that teenagers like you don’t always just go with the motive; they find excuses for the sake of using them. I can picture you right now going back and refreshing the page to see if people have actually even bothered to read your well-written anecdote.
67 people in five minutes are interested in your ‘said’ pain; I’m just here to make that pain go away. As you wait patiently for some sort of worldwide response from the 1.6k members of ‘’a group where you post stuff about wanting to die’’ you get a message from me, you’re yet to learn my name… give it time.
I’m sent to inform you of blue whale. You may be confused but I’m here to tell you the basics. I know your suicide note is ridiculous and I’m here to help you get better. If you want to know what I’m on about, contact me. As you can see my photo is harmless, I chose flowers as my photo as everybody loves flowers.
For some reason you read my message but gave it thought, I can see why you’d think about it for a second, I mean everybody thinks you’re dead yet you make yourself known to me.
‘’What the hell? Who are you?’’
I repeat myself and let you know about blue whale in more depth. Blue whale is the opportunity to end the pain and suffering that you feel. This is your chance to be free, to stop you from your cowardice.
‘‘How is this meant to end my suffering and what the hell do I have to do?’’
50 days, 50 tasks and then you’re suffering would be over. That’s what I tell you anyway…
The first task is simple, wake up at 4.20am and watch a scary movie and send me proof.
‘’It’s done. What’s next.’’
You sound so eager for someone who’s got so much more to come.
‘’Do we really only have to do one a day?’’
Next is for you to write ‘Yes’ on your leg if you’re ready to be a whale. If you don’t you have consequences.
‘’I thought I’d already confirmed this. What are the consequences?’’
I mean, for somebody who wants to die, you really do like talking. Just do the task. Stop talking.
If you’re wondering how I’m doing this over Facebook, Facebook for one has never been a website that likes to hide the monstrosities which are peoples opinions, life stories and darkest thoughts. Erin, you singlehandedly agreed to partake in these 50 said tasks despite not knowing what’s to come next. I became your commander with you following my orders without hesitation and despite everything being so subtle, you continue to follow like an eager kid.
After 15 tasks are completed, you seem cocky. Its time for the big task, the task that shows how determined you are to complete this game. However, I don’t sense your fear. For somebody who has accepted the challenge of 50 tasks by a complete stranger, you’d expect some sort of resistance but you keep asking to proceed.
‘’Hello????!!! What’s next on the list? I thought you said we could do more in one day?’’
I start to feel a little bored. Erin, I want you to be scared, I want you to feel like this is the end. Not the end of some sort of mystery game, the end of you; the end of Erin McDermott. I want you to grasp that after these 50 days, you are free and most of all you will be forgotten. You will have that slight period of interest where people will wonder why you left at such a young age and why you had such a damaging life and childhood… and then you’ll no longer be remembered and no one will remember how it happened.
The next big challenge, the aim is to carve a whale into your arm. You are to focus on the depth of the carving and how big you position it. It’s about how much you want to show yourself as a whale, to make your mark.
Two days pass and I still have no response. I decide to focus on my other subjects.
Jessica Lyons, 15. Your the shy one in the game; surprisingly however, the best at this. You’re on task 43. You’re probably the only one in the game who’s confident about the end, not in a rush but compliant. Your next task is to meet with a whale.
‘’Urm… can I ask who this ‘whale’ is?’’
Jessica you’re never really been one to ask questions…Nonetheless you decide to go through with it. I decide for you both not to meet so I arrange a Skype call.
The whale rings you and you look at one another in silence, until I interrupt the call… Jessica, you’re going to write Erin’s name into your arm, and Erin you do the same but with Jessica’s. You are both to leave your mark on one another.
You only know each other by first names being enough to conversate if or when instructed but not enough to invest in one another’s lives. That once happened with another subject I had who nearly gave up and could’ve lost the challenge. You both make your marks crying as you dig the blade into your skin, I smile and end the call. You’re both left with the mystery of one’s identity and are left wondering what to do next.
I move back to you Erin, with your slight disappearance I tell you again, the aim is to carve a whale into your arm. Are you going to do it?
I realise that I’m actually considering you into thinking of another alternative, which is really not part of the game or my game plan. I decide to just wait for you to reply rather than waiting on any of my other subjects, for some reason I like you and your eagerness. Not because you’re unfazed by the thought of death it’s the fact you seem so relaxed despite not completing this before.
‘’Okay’’
That’s all you say and for some reason I expect more from you but you just send the video.
‘’What’s next?’’
You’re on task 49 and Jessica has already jumped off that bridge by now but you are on the last two tasks. By this time you’ve already made yourself sick, cut yourself in various places, watched multiple types of horrendous videos, proved yourself as a whale and stood on top of a bridge of your choice however 49 seems definite.
You ready Erin?
You give it an hour.
‘’Send away’’
7th December 2018.
‘’Okay’’
I think it’s best you meet with me; we can discuss what’s next.
‘’What needs to be discussed??? You said the 7th right?’’
You need to be available at 7.45am on the top of your chosen bridge. We will talk.
‘’Talk about what? We’ve come this far and you want to meet I don’t understand? You’ve given me a date isn’t that it?’’
Erin you don’t need to know why we’re meeting you just have to do so, although for some reason I ignore you this time and it’s extremely satisfying. The bridge you choose is not one to be expected, I like it.
Despite what itchen bridge is remembered for it hasn’t been used in a long time, it’s quite nice to be back. It’s 7.43am and you’re still not here and I start to wonder whether you are actually going to go through with this.
I was wrong. Water, height, a cold breeze and the morning sun already here surrounding you. I walk towards you.
Erin.
‘’Hello Whale’’
I cant say I expected you to call me that but I guess you can’t call me anything else.
‘’Why’re we here?’’
You do realise it’s task 50 Erin, however before we do this I think we should talk. For some reason you’re no longer the same person.
‘’I mean well yeah, we’ve just completed 49 tasks’’
We? Erin this is all your own doing. I’m just the person who commands you and you go through with it. I told you this from the beginning.
‘’You look scared for me to say we, yet you’re meeting me here. That’s not part of the tasks’’
Fuck.
For some reason you start laughing at me. You’re not a scared teenager with no motivation after all. You beat me to my own game.
‘’Do you really think I thought I was doing this alone?
I’m Viktor.
‘’Well Viktor, let’s go’’