Family is a very important thing to me. Many people use the saying ‘you can not pick your family’ but I do not think I would ever want to even if I had a choice. I moved to Ottawa last year and since then, every single day, I call my parents twice a day because I would not be able to go about my day without talking to them. My close friend is the opposite of me, she will call her parents the minimum amount that she can because if she calls one parent she will have to call the other because she does not want anyone getting mad at her for not calling them. My friends parents are divorced. Her parents have been divorced for 18 years and it has been really tough for her. She was really young when it happened and did not understand what was going on but once she got older she understood and had some trouble with it growing up. Throughout our childhood we would always discuss our problems and her parents divorce was a constant problem she had to deal with. Divorce can have various effects on children between ages of 5 to 12 but it heavily children’s mental health, family relationships, and education.
Mental health has slowly became an important issue that needed to be talked about over the past decade. Children’s mental health is still a very new topic that many people do not understand. I have spoken to many people who believe that a child cannot be depressed or anxious because they are a child and have nothing to worry about. A child who is dealing with their parents going through a divorce can have various mental health problems. In the article “Protecting Children After a Divorce: Efficacy of Egokitzen–An Intervention Program for Parents on Children's Adjustment” it explains that for children “[r]esearch in recent years has become more sensitive to the internalizing side of the impact of divorce (such as anxiety, depression or psycho- somatic complaints), with evidence of elevated levels of depression, anxiety and social withdrawal” (Cormenzana et al., 2017). Depression and anxiety are something that can be seen in children in the early phases of their parents divorce but can also have long-term effects (Cava-Tadik et al., 2017). A child can develop anxiety by witnessing their parents arguing and not getting along. The arguments can turn violent which can have a very negative effect on the child. Having to see your parents fight could increase the child’s risk of higher anxiety because they cannot fully comprehend why it is happening. Even after the divorce being finalized, a child could still face the risk of social anxiety because they do not want to form a relationship with anybody. This is most likely because of not wanting the same emotions that they went through with their parents getting divorced recurring again.
After a child’s parents have gone through a divorce, they can also be in risk of developing depression. Having two parents in your life then all of a sudden only having one or not seeing both as often can really hurt a child. The new schedule of the child visiting each parent and living without the other can cause depression because of all the strange and new things happening in their life. It is very important for the parents to talk to their children about their feelings in order to prevent them from facing these mental health issues.
With the different mental health problems that the child might be facing, it is common that a child will face behavioural issues too (Schofield et al., 2015). With all the different emotions a child could be going through, they could start acting out on others whether it is intentional or not. For example, a student in class who is acting out against authority (the teacher). When at home the child hears their parents fighting and talking over each other so when at school, they think it is acceptable for them to do that as well. Another behavioural issue that the child might face because of their parents divorce is the inability to handle conflict (House et al., 1995). Witnessing their parents fight all the time and never resolve things could result in them conversing less, holding their emotions inside, and outbursting at one point which is very bad for their mental health (House et al., 1995).
When a divorce occurs, family relationships heavily affects the child because of the different relationships with their parents. One of the problems that may occur is that it can cause tension for the child because they do not know how to behave with each parent. They might be confused on what they can say to each parent involving the other parent without causing awkwardness. Another problem that can affect the family relationship is that during and after the divorce, the child may spend more time with one parent than the other. This can cause a loss of contact with the other parent and result in not having any relationship in the future.
Family issues that also occur is that the parents of the child are competing with each other over the child’s love for them. For example, if a child tells their mom that their dad took them out to dinner, the mom might take the child out to dinner and go get them a new toy to ‘one up’ their child’s father. This competition can also relate back to the child’s mental health because the constant rivalry between their parents can cause the risk of developing anxiety. In the article “Children’s Post-Divorce Living Arrangements and School Engagement: Financial Resources, Parent–Child Relationship, Selectivity and Stress”, Nele Havermans, Sofie Vanassche, and Koen Matthijs say that “a considerable proportion of parents start a new cohabiting relationship or remarry after divorce and, as a consequence, introduce an additional parental figure in the household” (Havermans et al., 2017). Parents forming a new relationship with someone can make the child uncomfortable because of the new parental figure in their life. The child will feel as if their parent is replacing the other parent with this new person.
Divorce can also affect the child’s relationship with their sibling if they have any. If the children are permanently living with one parent after the divorce and one of the children decide that they prefer to live with the other parent, that can heavily affect their relationship. Not having the other sibling around can cause a loss of bonding and it can feel like you are losing another person and their trust. Finally, divorce can affect the child’s relationship with the relatives on both sides of the parents. When visiting relatives, such as grand-parents, cousins, aunts and uncles etc., it is very likely to hear them talking negatively about the other parent which could complicate the child’s relationship with them because the feeling of betraying the other parent when listening to the negative talks amongst others.
A child that has dealt with the divorce of their parents can also faced with difficulties with their education. A child that is in school can be less engaged in class because of their parents fighting at home and the very possible worrying they are doing about it. In the article “Impact of parental separation or divorce on school performance in preterm children: A population-based study”, it states that “[children’s] poor scholar performances may be related to factors prior to the parental separation, such as parental conflict or lack of parental commitment to the child’s education” (Basset et al., 2018). When a parent is going through a divorce and having to finalize papers, it is very possible that they will forget to check on their child and see if they need help with anything (Basset et al., 2018). With the lack of help that the child is getting from their parent during that time, they will start to do poorer in school because they will not understand something and will have no one to assist them with their problem (Basset et al., 2018). In study conducted by Daniel Potter (2010), he demonstrates through his study that once kids get older, the children whose parents have gotten a divorce get lower grades in compared to the children whose parents are together. He shows in kindergarten they are 3 points behind children whose parents are together and in 5th grade they are 5 points behind (Potter 2010). It is very important that parents make sure that their children’s education is not suffering through and after going through a divorce even though that is a very difficult thing to do when having so many things going on.
Children that have to deal with their parents divorcing have a very hard time doing so. There are so many ways that the divorce of their parents affect children’s lives. Divorce can have a heavy impact on the child’s mental health through the different emotions they will have to face and the different behavioural issues that might come up. A child that is dealing with their parents divorce will also have different problems within their family relationships like with their parents, siblings, and relatives. The education of a child could also suffer during this time because of the lack of parental assist they have. Not every child will have to face all of these difficult challenges when their parents are separating but many of them do and it is important to recognize the effects that it has on them and not only the parents.