She glared at Hayley, her eyebrows were tightly knitted together, and her dark brown eyes bore into her. Hayley’s bright eyes met hers with an unwelcoming scowl. Hayley’s eyes glossed over, her mind was distant. Envisioning the slow roll of the afternoon waves and the crunch of the sun-dried sand between her toes. Each time she turned the pebble over in between her two middle fingers it swayed her thoughts from the distant memory of the unrelenting tyrant. She was at home by the beach, she knew the beach would always be a constant within her life no matter how hard she tried to disconnect herself from the heads and bodies that surrounded her. She took the pebble wherever she went. It reminded her that no matter how far life’s tide pulled her out, she would always be able to get back on track. She places it gently back into her pocket closest to her heart, it slowly and steadily sinks to the bottom of her pocket and drifts side to side as it moves with her. It sits quietly in her pocket, keeping to itself. She couldn’t remember the last time the ocean air brushed her skin and the salt infused water washed away every problem, every worry, every negative thought away.
Hayley intently scanned the four yellowed walls of the room desperately looking for another distraction, her eyes met the wilting venetian blinds. She noticed through the cracks the sun-drenched sky poured through the window and escaped through the gaps between the blinds. She remembered days before when she was pushed out into the lingering midday heat by the malicious English teaching tyrant, forced outside to suffer with the rest of the slow shuffling feet and bowed heads. The dehydrated grass crunched beneath the soles of their shoes. Each blade of grass sizzled and shrived with cries of pain, praying for the distant memory of frigid winter days. The salt infused taste of sweat consumed her mouth. The weak wind brushed against her, it pointed her back to the classroom of air-conditioned bliss. She remembered the low buzz of the overworked air-con and how it drew her in with an irresistible calling.
The sun savoured their pain.
It fed off it.
She remembered the whistle blowing, ordering the students back inside. Not even the tyrant could spend another moment under the scalding sun. One by one they sluggishly slid back towards the classroom, they dragged their heals with no energy left from battling the intolerable heat. The pebbles weight pulled her back to reality, it calmed her and reminded her of its tiresome existence. Something so small and insignificant but with such weight and power. She had begun to inspect the pebble looking at each freckle, how they were identically spaced apart. Some freckles were the colour of wet sand and others were as white as clean snow. The pebble was short. And fat. But still non-the less perfect to her.
She looked up at the tyrant. Her mouth moved but nothing came out. She noticed her moustache, it seemed to have abnormally large hairs starting from halfway between her nose and her lip and it curled around to right in the centre of her top lip. Hayley wondered if she knew they were there. She heard a faint jingle among her screaming thoughts. In unison each hunched spine attempted to straighten as if the dead has risen from centuries under laid thick layers of soil. Hayley, still stuck to her seat lost in miscellaneous moustache thoughts remained still. The pebbles weight again pulled her back to reality and cleared her mind. The pebble will always be her constant existence.
Reflective Statement
This creative writing piece’s audience is aimed at educated young adult to adult men and women of any race. This story is written in 3rd person past tense as it adds more depth to the story and it is the easiest to maintain a constant tense. I chose the charters “Hayley” and the unnamed woman “She” in my story because I felt I could describe situations in great detail especially with the main character as she is inspired by Hal from Infinite Jest. The Characters I feel are interesting to read about especially with Hayley’s unique descriptions as she can never concentrate. Hayley is constantly distracted and unfocused which I feel the audience would be able to relate to either personally or from others they have seen. This term in English I have been inspired by all texts read I have been influenced by “Infinite Jest”, “The Book Thief” prologue and works developed in class.
Hayley’s character is written to be empathised with by readers unlike the other unnamed character “She”. “She” is portrayed as a tyrant with absolute power. The character Hayley is inspired by Hal from Infinite Jest and this is shown in the way Hayley discombobulates people and is not fully present with what is going on. Hal and Hayley have disorganised thoughts, they fixate on minute details instead of the bigger picture. Distracting themselves. I believe the characters in this creative writing piece would be of interest to others as Hayley has an interesting mind to read about. The language used demonstrates Haley’s mental state as she is not present with ongoing situations such as “Hayley intently scanned the four yellowed walls of the room desperately looking for another distraction”. And “The pebble was icy and unemotional, careful to not let its thoughts and emotions persuade the hunched spines pleading for a distraction”. I tried to make this story fascinating through the in-depth descriptions as I feel I have used the well in creating clear images for readers.
Technical choices I have incorporated:
Sensory descriptions – The sensory descriptions slow down the action and zoom the attention in. This gives the reader a more in-depth understanding of the story. For example, “She played with the strap of her watch, running her fingers backwards and forwards along the smooth leather”.
Similes “as if the dead has risen from centuries under layers of soil”.
Sibilance of “sluggishly slid”.
Metaphor, “malicious English teaching tyrant” This gives the reader over exaggerated references to show the severity of the unkind teacher.
Personification is a frequently used technique within the creative writing piece for example “The pebble was the mellow colour of sand, its face sprinkled with freckles” as the pebble does not have a face or freckles the personification gives a broader definition of the pebble giving the reader more depth into the story.
Flashbacks add more depth to the story, giving the reader further ba
ckground information so they can learn more about the characters.
Syntax used within this creative writing text, I have played with sentence length and structure. Incorporating long and in-depth sentences and short simple sentences to point out the significance of the short sentences. I experimented with sentence structure as seen in the book thief prologue to highly importance of these parts. It changes the reading pace/flow and how a reader will read the story.
Truncated sentences used within create tension and keep the reader involved in the story. They also give the story punch to show the importance of something or make a point. For example, “The pebble was short. And fat”. Through the use of complex sentences, it slows the reading pace down so the reader focuses on details within the story.
I included no dialogue within my creative writing story. This focuses the audience on the descriptions.
The perspective is from 3rd person narrator and what they observe happened.
I have learned a lot from doing this task such as language techniques and structural features and how to correctly apply them. I feel I have expanded my vocabulary and have utilized correct resources when constructing my creative writing piece. It has been challenging to write a creative writing piece from someone else’s perspective which is not your own. It was definitely a challenge to write in 3rd person and past tense as I have not incorporated both of these into a creative writing piece before. I feel I have improved my descriptions from previous creative writing pieces and I have constructed interesting characters that I can incorporate into future writing tasks.